R.I.P. Macadamia The Nut

I’ve loved writing in this little space that I created for myself. I’ve loved every second of interacting with everyone and I’ve really really loved the uninhibited freedom that I got as the anonymous Macadamia The Nut.

But all good things have to come to an end, no?

And this is it for Macadamia.

I hate those bloody teary goodbyes so I’ll make it short. I LOVE you all! And I’m going to MISS you like hell!

Dedicating this song for YOU!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4r5C6MUqO4

BUT i’m fickle :D So I MAY come back… someday.

So until then it’s not adieu but au revoir

Ciao my lovlies!

Muah! Muah! Muah!

Love,

Macadamia The Nut

Dear Ma,

I read this annoying book – about afterlife and souls. About death and letting go.

Ugh! It said that unless we learn to let go, unless we stop crying for the ‘dear departed’ and unless we stop clinging to what remains their souls will never find peace.

What a cartload of rubbish! Who believes in things like that anymore? No?

But what if? What if it’s true?

Returning home has always meant coming back to you. Of going into your room when dad’s at the club, opening that locked up cupboard and inhaling the fragrance of your perfume, only to guiltily lock it again and run up lest dad finds out.

This time was different though. The book disturbed me. What if… Do you think I have I locked myself up in a restrictive, obsessive, dark space?

I’ve always looked upon the ‘homecoming’ with a mixture of trepidation and excitement. But it’s not the same anymore. Maybe it’s only I who have changed. Maybe memories are meant to be just that – memories. Revisiting them and trying to force-fit the same feelings into a has-been vacuum just doesn’t work.

So, that’s why I gave away your things. That’s why I didn’t come to you with complaints this time. And .. that’s why I’m letting you go.

Because I love you THAT much.

Fatten The Calf Father... The Prodigal's Here

I'm going home.. finally.
*yay!*

Ummm, actually, I don't know if I really feel the 'yay' factor.

All this while I've been whining about how I can't wait to go home... and now that the day is just around the corner, I'm scared as hell!

I've changed. But they've changed too! Though we've kept the telephone lines and cyberspace alive with artificial cheer, it's just not the same. So many faces I'll look for but never see again... so many new ones I've never seen before... half the time I forget the real headcount of the clan.

Oh, I kinda like my darling brood of pseudo-sophisticates. But trying to keep pace with their capricious expectations is not worth the effort!

I don't remember when my love-band lost it's elasticity. Sometime during one of those sonorous monologues from my aunts recounting every catty detail of the latest 'cheriya' problem? Or perhaps while listening to the exalted Ettans and Chechis convince me that I have a long way to go before climbing UP to their level :D Insecurity does come in various forms innit? Ah well, it doesn't cost me a dime to insert the appropriate "Uh huh" "yeah, you're right" and "Mmmm" during expectant skype pauses. I've gotten pretty good at that.
But P.S. I don't do ladders dahlings. Why do you think god invented escalators hmmmm? :|

Oof! I'm whining again :D
It's not completely bad. After all, I'll get to see my dad, my grampie, and Jols, Moni, Chech and my little D-girl - who's not so little now!!! :D Dang! How dare you grow up!

I'm scared. I'm relieved. I'm going crazy! Can't wait to get this over with. And I can't WAIT to get back... because somehow... without me realising it, this has become 'Home' now.

Sigh!

Anyway... on a totally diferent tangent... Here's a piece of advice y'all.
Don't hand over soda to friends sitting in front of you in the car.
I nearly died of Burp overdose. It was SO ewwwkkkk!!
TMI no? :D Deal with it.
;)

Psssst.... Yes you only!
If you're still reading my gibberish.... a BIG BEAR HUG to you!

XOXOXO
Macadamia The Nut