Dear Uncle...

Dear Uncle,

I was just wondering… are you by any chance the man we saw yesterday at Pie In The Sky?

Was that your wife sitting beside you chattering away oblivious to your distracted air?
My, she was so pretty!! Were those your children with you? The little minxes... they were adorable!

You guys looked great together… the quintessential picture perfect family!!! The first time we glanced in your direction we couldn’t help but whisper to each other “Ooooh! Look, how CUTE!!”

Just one small question though - out of dumb curiosity. Don’t mind, but ... does your family know what a lecherous S.O.B you really are… Uncle?

You sat there beside your wife, the devoted husband seemingly attentive to her every word. Too attentive actually. But, ah hah! We noticed the way you looked us over… Uncle. Boy, did we ever!

You absentmindedly watched your kids decide on the menu, while your eyes sent a different message to the women around you. Yeah, we also saw you make eyes at that girl in white… don’t go coy on me now. Admit it :) you old goat you…

What would you have done I wonder, if, say, we’d called your bluff and decided to come over and introduce ourselves? Would you have pretended ignorance? Would you have told your wife, “Honey, take the kids and go on home. These girls and I are gonna go have some fun together?"

Or say, if I’d followed through with my baser instincts and had decided to perch gently on your lap and rub ketchup ‘lovingly’ over your freakin’ face… would that have roused you from your deceptive apathy?

Are you all bark and no bite… Uncle? Or are you one those who can’t be content with one woman. You remind me of another ‘gentleman’ who once told me that “Men will be men… why should marriage make a difference? What she (the wife) doesn’t know won’t hurt her”

Silly me! :) Back then I wanted to fly at him and claw his eyes out and get some locusts to lay eggs in the bloodied sockets. But I know better now… Uncle. Wish I had a more eloquent name to call people like you who have no clue what commitment means.

Anyway, we’re sorry we couldn’t come over and talk to you last night. We did think about it when you started your not-so-subtle mental striptease. It got more and more tempting as you started giving us those sexy *puke!* come hither looks. But we decided that those three leading ladies in your life didn’t deserve it.

But pssssst, next time you do your “I’m a stud, come lick my boots” act, just remember… It isn’t a pretty sight for the recipients to behold you know. You only came across as a pock-marked toad with a permanent facial twitch. We wouldn’t even classify it under “icky” let alone “sexy”.

Oh, and before I go, there’s just one more piece of information I’d like to share with you… Uncle - person to person. Just in case you didn’t notice, we have something interesting a few inches above the spot where your eyes kept wandering to. It’s called a FACE. Remember? You might have read about it when you were a kid. I’m sure you had one too before you grew that horrendous Pan’s mask on top of your neck instead. Maybe next time you could look up there instead of further down south? Hmmm? What say? Deal?

Thanks... Uncle..
Hope to *never* see you again soon…


Yours ‘sincerely’
Macadamia and Friends

P.S. Just in case you don’t remember, we’re the ones who flipped you the finger when your wife wasn’t looking. FYI!